Gen. c. 4

v. 6-7, Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is you face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you but you must master it.”

I am Cain and definitely not an Abel. Sin is always crouching at my door, temptations, my former lifestyle is always there like a crouching tiger waiting for weak moments, I am impulsive, I desire things. I am Cain, I am Cain, I am Cain.

I remember one of my Sunday school classmates talking about his lifestyles before he became a Christian. And I am amazed at how God really changed him. But I don’t know, he may not be showing it and he will never show it, the inner struggle, and the turmoil of the tension of the old habits and old ways; the battle between old pleasures and the new life under Christ.

I shared that I can’t find the courage to do what he had just done. I can’t find the courage to tell people that, “Hey look at me! God has changed me.” I can’t find the courage to do that. I have this fear that if I shout to the world that God has changed me and then I snapped and went back to my old ways, I don’t know it’s like Damocles’ sword hanging above my head but this time I may not be the only one who may come into harm’s way, but I may brought along innocent spiritual babies or potential souls to be saved, even my family. The fear is real. The temptations are real. Sin is always crouching at the door.

I don’t know why I feel so insecure, it’s like I’m giving space for sin to happen, its like that I must master sin, master sin, and this gives me a feeling of tightness, master sin, master sin, master sin…I am thinking…maybe I don’t have to master sin. I’ll just cruise along and from now on start to enjoy my Christian life…no the danger is that I might fall back…no enjoy life, just cruise along.

I think I’ll enjoy my Christian life and that’s that. I don’t have to master sin; Christ did it for me.